In a move that sent royal correspondents scrambling for their fainting couches and caused social media to collectively drop its morning tea, Prince William, the Prince of Wales, delivered what was billed as a “shock announcement” regarding his wife, the Princess of Wales, Kate Middleton.
For days, Kensington Palace had maintained a cryptic silence, merely teasing a “major statement” from the future King. The world held its breath. Was it a secret fourth child? A new title? Had they finally adopted a corgi that could sing opera?
The suspense was palpable. When Prince William finally stepped up to the podium, looking impeccably tailored but with a mischievous glint in his eye, the cameras focused intently. The moment had arrived.
So far, so standard. Then came the twist.
“But what many of you do not know,” William continued, a broad grin spreading across his face, “is that for the last two years, Kate has been leading a double life. A very loud double life.”
He announced, to the audible gasps of the press corps, that Kate Middleton has been secretly moonlighting as the lead guitarist for a heavy metal band!
The band? A high-octane, underground group named “The Crown Jewels” (or, as they are known to their fans, ‘T.C.J.’). The Princess, who reportedly goes by the stage name “Katniss the Conqueror,” has been rocking venues across London and parts of Europe, hiding her identity perfectly behind a strategic blonde wig and dark sunglasses.